Riverdale – Chapter Forty-Seven: Bizarrodale

Riverdale – Chapter Forty-Seven: Bizarrodale | Season 3, Episode 12 | Rating: 7/11 |

This week we take a step up from last week’s episode of Riverdale with an impending marriage, the rise of another Gargoyle King, and a lesson in acceptance. Let’s get cracking.

Midnight Club Redux

Tom Keller and Sierra McCoy are finally tying the knot. With their divorces finalized, they simply want a small ceremony at the town hall but – at the bequest of their offspring, Josie and Kevin –  they agree to an after-party at La Bonne Nuit. This happy turn of events seems to have angered the Gargoyle King (yes, there is another one) and he wants the original Midnight Club to finish ascension night like they were supposed to all those years ago or else harm will befall their children.

The original gang gets together like old times – even Hiram is out of the hospital for this adventure and Penelope was kind enough to bring the antidote to cyanide for everyone, just in case. However, a frantic search of Riverdale High leaves everyone baffled as nothing from the game can be found. It’s only when Penelope screams and everyone rushes into the classroom that the group realizes they’ve been had: there’s a projector screen with the words “Got You” in what looks like blood.

Realizing that the whole thing was a decoy to get their kids alone, frantic calls are made to make sure they’re all safe. The only problem is Kevin Keller isn’t answering his phone. That might be because he and Moose, who are in the midst of a romantic night in the bunker, have been apprehended by the Gargoyle Gang and are taken to the Gargoyle King with two chalices at their feet. The boys have to flip for their fate and are utterly terrified at the prospect of death. Thankfully, an entire brigade including Cheryl and her trusty bow and arrow arrive in time to apprehend this new Gargoyle King before any harm can befall the boys.

This Gargoyle King turns out to be Moose’s father, Major Marcus Mason, and his Gargoyles were members from the RROTC. He had no intention of killing the boys – he just wanted to scare them a little. As it turns out, as a kid Marcus Mason was sent to the Sister’s of Quiet Mercy for his impure (read: gay) thoughts and while they managed to “turn him around,” the prospect of his son and the son of the man he used to love getting together was too much for him and he snapped.

Acceptance and Penance

Speaking of Kevin and Moose, Kevin is getting tired of clandestine hookups and sneaking around with Moose. Kevin wants to move their relationship to the open while Moose is still firmly stuck in the closet for fear of his father.

Kevin shares his woes with Cheryl who offers to help and does so in the most hurtful and helpful way possible: she encourages a closeted RROTC member to join a new LGBTQIA club and come out of the closet during morning announcements. She also makes mention of his Broadway-loving boyfriend while withholding all responsible party names, yet it’s pretty clear that the whole student body knows whom Cheryl was referring to and some are not happy about it.

Now this has two consequences: 1) Toni and Cheryl have their first real fight, and 2) Kevin gives Moose an ultimatum. For Toni, her uncle struggled with her being a lesbian, which is why the Serpents were Toni’s family and thanks to her antics with Cheryl she no longer has them. Kevin, on the other hand, realized he can’t keep playing “Brokeback Riverdale” and wants Moose to fess up to his dad or the two are over. Moose bites the bullet and, while it was awkward at first, his dad seemed okay with everything (he wasn’t, but you already know that). As for Cheryl, she has a lot of attoning to do for her sins. Not only does she apologize to Moose, but she also gives her interview time at a prestigious college to Toni, who would not have had such an opportunity, plus she finds a new group of gals who are looking for a place to belong.

All is well.

Clean Up Crew

Veronica and Reggie are in a bit of a pickle since Veronica tried to “save” her mother from being a drug dealer by burning all the drugs and the machinery. As such, Hermione has made them responsible for paying back the unknown party for the money lost and it’s more than a pretty penny. Realizing her liquid funds aren’t going to cut it, Veronica realizes just how serious this is when Reggie offers to rob his father’s car dealership.

It’s as stupid and crazy as it sounds, yet they do the deed. I’m guessing Riverdale doesn’t have CCTV or else it would have been really easy to take down the teen thieves. Reggie even wore a Gargoyle mask as a disguise and his father, who has a nasty habit of giving Reggie shiners, is insured so he will recoup his losses. The only thing the two thieves didn’t foresee was the use of a dye pack. Regardless, Veronica and Reggie go meet the buyer who turns out to be Jughead’s mother, Gladys Jones.

Gladys is sympathetic to Veronica and Reggie’s plight, especially since Hermione left them to sort out their own mess. She decides to let them make payments on the money owed since they had the gumption to show up knowing they were short on cash and that cash was blue.

Josie Repaid

After saving Archie from self-destruct mode last week, now Josie is the one in need of saving. She’s stressed because she has an audition for Julliard, has no way to get there, plus she can’t find a date to her mother’s wedding. Her summer fling and occasional hookup, Sweet Pea, has called an end to things: he likes her but can’t just exist to be her plaything whenever she’s in need. Sweet Pea wants to use scary words like “boyfriend” and that’s not something the songstress can commit to.

After unloading this on Archie, he offers a ride to her audition, gives emotional support when Julliard decides she’s not worth inviting to callbacks, and even offers to be Josie’s date to the wedding. Here is where we get to see some of the old Archie again – the one very familiar with feeling alone and like an alien from another planet.

Cue a musical moment that leads to a kiss.

Other Notes:

  • Cheryl had a mini-war with her mother who decided to try and block her from attending the prestigious college where all the Blossom women attended before. Penelope struggles with her daughter’s sexuality, saying “The hallowed halls of Highsmith College will not be polluted by someone of your alignment.” Cheryl does manage to get her mother to back down by way of a blackmail threat towards her clients.
  • The aforementioned new girl gang will be known as the Pretty Poisons.
  • I’m just wondering how many different Gargoyle King getups are floating around Riverdale. So far we’ve had Tall Boy and Major Marcus Mason. There was also the skull left in the classroom for the Midnight Club to find.
  • After taking down Major Marcus Mason, FP and Jughead come home to find Gladys and Jellybean waiting for them at home. For reasons unknown, the two are there to stay awhile.
  • Hermione was surprised to find out that Gladys came in person to get the money instead of sending a middleman. However, Veronica and Reggie swore not to tell Jughead about why Gladys was in town because otherwise, Gladys would have to tell Hiram that Hermione was trying to undercut him. What a mess.
  • After the mess his father made, Moose decided to leave Riverdale for a bit. Kevin wasn’t mad about what happened, but it’s something Moose feels like he needs to do.


  • “We keep taking down Gargoyle Kings and they keep popping up again. It’s like playing whack-a-mole.“ (FP Jones)